Walay kahadlok, walay kaguol

 Sa panahon na naay struggles, ayaw kahadlok, ayaw ka lose hope, ayaw pag worry, instead look up, kay ang Ginoo kanunay na nag uban kanimo.

Actually, last July 31, 2021, i gave birth to my first child. But for the first ten days of my baby, i was forbidden to take care of him. I was isolated in a covid isolation facility. Upon the mandatory swab result at the hospital, i got a positive result. No symptoms, no fever, no cough, i went to the hospital, not because i was sick, but just to gave birth. After that they isolated me, because i got covid. It was a tough time. I missed the first 10 days of my baby. Good thing my mama and my husband was there to take care of my little child. But then my mama got positive also and had to be isolated. My sister was there to take charge in behalf  mama. It was a little difficult for all of us. Everyone in the house had to be quarantined. Mama and i, since we got positive, we had to be isolated in a facility and other family members who got negative result still had to be home quarantined for 14 days.

Good thing we were asymptomatic, we were allowed to go out at the 10th day and was advised to continue the quarantine at home. 

Covid is real but God is greater.

Even though at tough times, i still get a positive realization why God allowed that to happen. For me, i was an independence training, and also a time for me to rest and prepare myself for motherhood. I only got the chance to see my baby through videocall. From feeding my baby to changing diapers to making the baby sleep at night - everything is new. They have sleepless nights at home because of the new baby. My sister said i might get postpartum anxiety if i was at home and maybe God just spared me from that. 

It was also an independence training. Of course after the 9 months of carrying the baby, the labor, the stitches, my body is at sore, i cant barely walk, because of my stitches and body aches. If i was at home, my mama would surely take care of me, but being alone in the facility, i had to take care of my self. Eat plenty, sleep early, take meds, pump milk because my breasts are also in sore. God is indeed an all knowing God and make all things work together for good, even though the enemy originally planned to harm me. 

I thank you God for everything. For all the discipline and training, i am blessed and forever grateful to be your little child. ♡

Lord, what kind of situation am I into?

I don't understand Lord, 

but if it is Your will, then, let it happen.

If not, Lord, please take it away from me.

I put my trust in You Lord.

Let Your will always be done in my life. ♡

Fearless love

It is never wrong to love, no matter what kind of past you have, no matter what kind of situation you are in right now. 

Well, whatever happens, happens.

If this is God's will, then it will happen. 

Thank You Lord for writing my lifestory.

I trust You. I am giving everything in Your hands.
Let Your will always be done in my life. ♡

If i marry someday..

If I marry someday..

I want someone who will never get tired of me.

Someone who sees my flaws and still love me.

Someone who will listen to my unending stories.

Someone who has big arms where i could lay myself and rest well at night.

Someone who's presence can relieve all my stress away.

Someone who will love me unconditionally, no matter what happens..

I know i will meet you someday,
In God's perfect time..♡

Decluttering my room.

Removing all the memories you had left.

All the random letters and cards, the pinky bear you gave.

I had no regrets. I was happy and in love with you back then.
I had no regrets, i had to decide for my self.

When God said it's a NO, then it's a NO, i had to do it.
I had to say good-bye. I need to leave every thing behind.

Now you are free and in love again, with an old friend. Maybe she's the one for you. Maybe you two are the one meant for each other.

And as for me, restarting my life again.

I want to clear cache all the memories with you. That 8 years of being crazy-in-love with you.

I have to move on with life. Forgetting the past behind.

Waiting and Hoping.

I don't like this kind of feeling.

Waiting. Hoping. Wanting.

I don't want to chase people. But i want you.

What should i do then?

Nothing? Just chill? Relax?

Somehow, it's too early to tell.

Perfect time will come.

But when?

Just be patient, April.

Lord, you know. But i trust your perfect timing.

And please Lord don't let me get attached to people not meant for me.

I just hate this feeling, crushing on someone.

It's okay. But don't do again what you did last time.
No more chasing people. Just no more.

Just wait. Wait on God's perfect time. Time will tell.
It will be always worth the wait. ♡

New Year, New Me 💖

Here in a milktea shop, taking a good cup of wintermelon milktea, trying to compose myself, relaxing, looking back to the things that happened for this whole year.

Few more days and it will be 2020. My supposed to be "marrying year", but it's not going to happen.

What's going to happen next year? All the previous plans in mind had vanished.

Now all i wanted is to be free. Free to love my self. Free to explore new things. Free to travel anywhere. Free to do things that I really want. Just free to be me.

I'm nervous and excited at the same time. 2020 will be a new year, celebrating a new me. Free and fearless me.

Lord, let Your will always be done in my life. I trust You for writing my life story. 💖
Thank You and I love You always Lord. 💖

My First Mountain Climb

Who would ever think i could climb the highest mountain?

I never knew my capabilities until i was there - at the top, seeing the clouds beneath the mountain. Seeing the sun so near, the beauty of God's creation. What a wonderful feeling it is!💖

At first i was hesitant. I have no experience in climbing mountains or even hiking.

But then all of a sudden, i told myself, why not try it? I told my self, "If God allows me to, then i will".💖

Then one sunday morning, the Pastor at church mentioned climbing Mt. Apo as an illustration. It was a sermon about Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac at the mountain. Then that was the sign, my 144 leader told me that it was a confirmation that God is allowing me to go.

I never make decisions on my own. I always ask God first and after God said yes, i paid my downpayment :) then a few minutes just after my downpayment was sent, an earthquake struck near Mt. Apo as the epicenter. Wow. JUST WOW. But I was not scared at all. It was just that my 144 leader told me not to continue my plan.

But i was unstoppable. I do really want to go. I made preparations. I did walking and jogging, and a little diet too. The organizer constantly monitored my training progress. 💪💪💪

He keeps me motivated every now and then. He believed that I can so I tried my best to believe in myself too.

Until that one week, then just a few days left, and a storm cancelled all their flights. Well i thought the whole trip wasn't meant to be. I was a little disappointed.

But then, i realized maybe God allowed the storm to happen so we can have a clear and beautiful view by the time we're up there.

And yes finally that day came! Papa was worried and i was almost not allowed to go. But i really wanted to go! We fought a little, but still he had to let me go.

The whole trip was worth it!💖
The climb was just so wonderful. Everyone was nice and friendly and i was just so happy. What a wonderful and unforgettable experience it is! 💖

Thank You Lord for allowing me to climb the Highest Mountain. To more mountains to climb and conquer! 💖💖💖

CTRL - Z

Me 7 years go trying to undo things...

But now, i realized that those things i tried to undo taught me great lessons in life..
So I'd rather say "no regrets".

No regrets at all...

Instead of asking "Why is this happening to me?" It is better to ask "What is this trying to teach me?"

Everything that happens to us, whether good or bad, can be a great life lesson. No more pressing the ctrl-z, just go on, move forward and learn-all-you-can. :)

I like you but i don't

I like you but i don't like you. I just don't understand.

I just love the conversations that we had. Those soundtrips and small talks and the stories you've shared. I like it when you let me know the things you do.

Those simple good morning and good night messages you've sent. Asking me how's my day, and even how i have spent my weekend, it makes me feel happy that somehow, someone is interested in what i do daily.

The time you had spent with me even if it means going to work without sleep at night.

I feel comfortable sharing my story to you. My problems, my untold emotions and even my deepest secrets. Oh, how I wish i could have someone like you to spend the rest of my life with.

Well, I am looking forward to know you more. I want to know the purpose why we two have met.

I would like to thank you, because without your encouragement, i could never be braver.

• See you in the future, in God's perfect time.