Made some changes on my blogspot blog which might be unnoticeable by people who regularly visit that blog because those posts were dated more than/almost a year ago. Char lng! Feeling! Okay. I know it's just me who visits my blog regularly. lol. Most people visit my blog by accident lol mistakenly clicked the link or maybe out of extreme boredom. lol
Actually, I published some works which were originally saved as drafts about a year ago and deleted some posts because i found out that some of them were corny written by an immature aprilmelodee, lol, considering that aprilmelodee is trying hard to be a mature one lately. :)
I've read a blog post, written last december 8, 2006, almost 2 years ago. Written by me of course. here it goes, quoted below, colored red:
"I would rather be hated for who i am than be loved for who i am not"
"Someone told me that she hates me because i am this. She said that i'm childish, i easily cry, i'm too shy......
"This is me, this is what i love doing. This is the real me, if you hate me then go away....." This is what i want to say when she was telling me those things. But i haven't said this to her because she is my friend. She just want me to change.
But being me isn't bad. Right? I would rather be hated for who i am than be loved for who i am not.... "
Then another one, written last April 29,2007, more than a year ago. quoted, colored red:
"People judge me..."
"They keep telling things that would hurt me…then they would tend to laugh out loud or even get mad when they see me cry like a baby. Sometimes they give reasons just like that it was just a joke. Or maybe sometimes they tell me that I couldn’t just accept the fact. Bad sila! Why can’t they zip their mouths and stop telling things that would hurt people… why cant they accept me as me?
But mind you, sometimes it is good to listen on what other people say. Just try to reflect on what they have said. Maybe it can hurt a little bit but it would be something great when later you realize that their right. Sometimes, you also need to accept them... (you accept them and then they accept you! eh di mas ok ^_^)
I have tried it once.. and it worked… It made myself a way much better. Except from the fact that it made me better, it also make others happy for the good changes i have made..."
I discovered a change of insights!
2006, I stand my ground. I won't make a change because i believed that being me isn't bad and that I would rather be hated for who i am than be loved for who i am not.
2007, accepted some comments. Made some change. :) Sabi ko pa "sometimes it is good to listen on what other people say. Just try to reflect on what they have said. Maybe it can hurt a little bit but it would be something great when later you realize that their right. Sometimes, you also need to accept them... you accept them and then they accept you! eh di mas ok ^_^"
2008, um. I guess, i've changed, a little bit. That's my new years resolution this year. To change. Maturity. That's a promise. No more crying like a baby. No more shyness. No more "ulaw ko. hiya ako. i'm shy". I guess, i would still be an introvert, but being an introvert and being shy is not the same. Oh. :) Promise to myself, to my sisters who often call me autistic, to my parents who try to build up my confidence and to my friends who help me grow. This is a promise and i do believe that promises are not made to be broken. XD