Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Big Box.

I am afraid of the future, coz I am never certain of what awaits me whenever I get there. It seems to be like a big box waiting for me and I never know what's inside. It's like pieces of jigsaw puzzle, scattered around, still being completed by me. Or like an unfinished painting, that sooner I may call my very own masterpiece.

We always talk about the future. It is something to be anticipated. It is future, every time a 5-yr old boy talks about his dreams and the things he wants to do when he gets older.. Or when a teenage girl patiently waits for that one special boy whose spaces between his fingers fit hers perfectly..

The thing we call future, soon to be present, sooner will become the past. Yes, definitely, I am afraid of the future. I never know what it's like. Will it be the same as what I often wish for? I hope so. :)

Friday, August 20, 2010

Chocolate Love~

Yes, I'm 21 years old, too young to get married or to find that one true love, yet too old for that so-called puppy love. I've been in this world for 21 years yet up to this time, I've never been in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with anyone, never been in that one sweet first kiss, never been in my very own fairy tale love story.

It will be a lie if I say there's no one who tried to get my attention. There are quite some, who dared to start, yet I just simply ignored and then eventually they'll stop. So I'd rather say, no one has ever started, they just dared to start, that's it, no one has ever courted me.

I admit, it's my fault though, since there's something in me that tries to block boys whenever they try to get close, even if I say I'd love to try, there is just something inside of me that doesn't want to.

I won't say I've never been inlove though, coz it is simply not true. As I've always said, I'm inlove with the concept of love. I so love the idea itself. Love itself. Concepts of love I took from novels I've read, movies I've seen or from music I've heard. And there are plenty of times that I've created my own idea of love too. There are quite sometimes that I've formed a fairy-tale love story inside my mind, some with tragic end and some with an "and they lived happily ever after" ending.

It is just so weird how I think I understand the concept of love so much yet I've never encountered such an intimate kind of love before. I see another simple reason, aside from the concepts of love I've read, seen and heard, it might be also because a lot of people love me, my family, friends, random people whom I knew, my dog, including myself too and even those strangers who show they care. It might not be an intimate kind of love but still, it is the same love.

Yes, I'm 21 years old, might be too old for that so-called puppy love but still young to find that one true love. Sooner, in time, I know I will be able to encounter that too. I'm not waiting for it to happen, instead I am making the most of my immature life, who doesn't want to fall in that one true love yet.

Friday, July 2, 2010

"aprilmelodee's ways to cope up with stress"

Start your day with a prayer. Eat Breakfast. Create a "to do" list. Smile often. Give Hugs. Think positively. Avoid negative people. Stop thinking about a better tomorrow. Start a better TODAY. Stop worrying. Smile at a stranger. Stand up & stretch. Get ready for the rain. Always bear in mind that there's a solution for every problem. Don't let other people pull you down. Avoid comparing yourself with others. Check yourself in the mirror often. Create your own exercise. Create a new doodle. Make other people smile. Be inspired. :)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

things happen for a reason... just believe ♥

Time goes, never stops, it runs, and life goes on.

It has been three months since the last time we had a direct talk. Three months of still wishing, dreaming and thinking. I am not afraid to tell you that I love you coz I know you feel the same way too. But this is not yet our time.....

I'm sorry for I still get sad every time I miss you. Though, you told me to just close my eyes and feel your presence.. It's no more enough..

When am I going to see you again? I really want to see you yet I am truly, incredibly afraid of what will happen then :( coz I don't wanna get hurt or others to get hurt..

I try my very best to move on, but it's taking me a hard time.. maybe it's because our love story has never come to an end yet, our love story still continues and goes on...

Time runs, life goes on, but only one thing stays the same: memory. Our bittersweet memories that I've collected since then - forever I will treasure.♥

---this is not about me, okay? i wrote this simply because I'm inspired to write about certain things that time. simply created by my imaginative mind, no more, no less. ;)

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Suzzane's Diary for Nicholas

just finished reading "Suzzane's Diary for Nicholas"..

That book has been left unattended for months. But i got a feeling just around 10pm last night, i need to read it. I saw it on the computer table in our living room, i asked my sister if that was new. She said in reply "No. I told you to read that before but you never did." I grabbed the book, i turned off my computer and jumped on my bed, and i started reading. I didn't turn the tv off, coz if i might find the book boring, i can still watch tv. But then, it was a good book and didn't notice that i'm already done reading by 12am today.

I didn't realized that tiny droplets of water started to drip from the corner of my eyes while reading that book. As I continue reading, I gave myself some pauses, few seconds to ponder upon the story and the lessons behind it. The diary may look a little simple but it is indeed full of joy and pain, full of thoughts about life, and about love lost and found.

I pay attention to every lesson that Suzanne wrote for Nicholas. And this one struck me the most:

"Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls - family, health, friends and integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the begginings of balance in your life."

Recently, I prayed to God and told Him that I'm willing to sacrifice something just to give me the job that I want. I'm starting to like my job right now, but I don't think it's not enough. Coz I know I deserve more. But then, the book changed my mind. No, work isn't that important, and if there is a need to sacrifice anything, it's the ball called "work" and nothing else.

"Bad stuff does happen sometimes, Nicholas. Always remember that, but remember that you have to move on somehow. You just pick your head up and stare at something beautiful like the sky or the ocean, and you move the hell on." - I do agree with this! Just like how good things can happen, bad things may happen too. I think it's okay to cry for a while. It's normal. But we have to move on and that's all, we don't have to forget.

We don't have to forget. Most important is not to forget all the good memories that life has given us. Coz.. Good memories are like charms and each memory is special. We have to collect them one by one, until one day we look back and discover that they make a long, colorful bracelet. Yes, it's true. Few days ago, I've been spending quality time with my mom and I've been telling her stories about what have happened during the past when i was still a little kid until those memories I made recently. My mom was amazed that I can still remember every detail, even though some had happened more than 15 years ago. Whether happy memories or sad, I told my mom everything I remembered, everything I felt. It was good. I realized today how wonderful the bracelet I've made!

"Life doesn't go on forever. Enjoy every moment of it."

That book changed both my mind and heart. And I think, it made me a better person now. ♥